Reflection from the Syd-Can Trip

The making of a person
Definition of a late bloomer
Journey of discovery about myself the last couple of years. Was a charmeleon, starting to figure out my own colour
Who am I? I will be an adult once that's defined.
I am a nerd and geek
I am Attracted to the weird and strange, the road less travelled
Open minded
Emotionally distant
I have a strong and individual sense of justice and values
-100% an introvert. Always will be
Maybe not cis?
People watching is fascinating. Will always be too much an outsider and eccentric to completely fill at ease
I want to be brilliant but not yet motivated enough to truly excel
One can learn and grow from any situation
Diverse interest- jack of all trades master of none
Sense of humour, warped dark and dry.
Quiet
Listens well but have bad hearing
Socially awkward, too self conscious and self deprecating
Seeker of happiness and a better self. I know what unhappiness felt like. How much happier can I possibly be?
Facultative
Am I going to be betrayed? Don't lie to yourself . Maybe people are using me, well I'm using them too!
I will never ever conform. Never. I can't be happy and conform at the same time. Trust me I've tried
At heart- a simple person. Food. Music. Friends.
I've always always been a person on the outside looking in.
Need to stop sabotaging myself
I hate superficial networking. But have to??? Why can't I just be a decent person who is competent and succeed on their own merits? Is that possible in this world?
Too closed off and lack expression? Fear?
I do NOT WANT TO BE PATRONISING but don't want to be. Boring either
Are my morals and values acceptable? We'll see. Am I naive for thinking everyone is basically decent people who will teach you something if you give them a chance? Some people may rub each other the wrong way, sure. But we'll all in this together. Why not make sure everyone is feeling ok? Is that such a bad thing?? Do people have to bring others down to validate their own value? I want to understand people!!!
What makes them tick, what they find important, why they lie to you and when. Why do they ignore you? What makes someone charismatic and likeable? How to get them to open up to you? Must you be identify with their struggles? What defines popularity? Boundaries of friendship? Am I a bad person to hang out with if I am too different can't identify or emphasise with their struggles?
Conviction. People like me but I'm not popular, not interesting. I am easygoing and friendly, but not magnetic. People don't want to be proven wrong, they don't want to feel deficient. They want to feel validated, to have their ego stroked, by someone whom they respect
I don't like being in the centr of attention but want to e respected. I don't like weed judgement impaired
Too timid too back


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