Hey, it's Saturday. What did you expect? My life isn't a soapie.

Nothing particularly interesting happened, but since the newness of having a blog hasn't worn off yet, I thought I'd post some dustbunnies up. 

If found this stuff on the net last week (when I was SUPPOSED to be studying for my exams):

Maryse has a story about first-year students at Texas A's Vet School who were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.

 

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

 

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body."

 

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

 

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

 

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

 

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

 

Now--learn to pay attention."

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If anyone who reads this has seen one of those blurbs they write about the performers in a program, you'd get this one:

Otherwise, *shrugs*

Reprinted without permission from Edmonton Centre newsletter, Canada, and Canadian RCCO newsletter.The following program notes are from an unidentified piano recital.

Tonight's page turner, Ruth Spelke, studied under Ivan Schmertnick at the Boris Nitsky School of Page Turning in Philadelphia. She has been turning pages here and abroad for many years for some of the world's leading pianists.

In 1988, Ms. Spelke won the Wilson Page Turning Scholarship, which sent her to Israel to study page turning from left to right. She is winner of the 1984 Rimsky Korsakov Flight of the Bumblebee Prestissimo Medal, having turned 47 pages in an unprecedented 32 seconds. She was also a 1983 silver medalist at the Klutz Musical Page Pickup Competition: contestants retrieve and rearrange a musical score dropped from a Yamaha. Ms. Spelke excelled in "grace, swiftness, and especially poise."

For techniques, Ms. Spelke performs both the finger-licking and the bent-page corner methods. She works from a standard left bench position, and is the originator of the dipped-elbow page snatch, a style used to avoid obscuring the pianist's view of the music. She is page turner in residence in Fairfield Iowa, where she occupies the coveted Alfred Hitchcock Chair at the Fairfield Page Turning Institute.

Ms. Spelke is married, and has a nice house on a lake.

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This one is for Georgina, the hopeless romantic : (yes, I'm sad enough to dedicate something to someone)

Hans refers us to a local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother.

 

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet, and so are you.

 

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,

The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

 

Oh loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face

 

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not

 

I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face

 

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

 

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life

 

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming <-- i like this one

 

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way <--my fav

 

My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "go to hell"

 

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime

******

I am more in my arsenal...(pheer me!)

If anyone finds these remotely funny, drop me a comment and I'll put more on. 

Sorry about the inconsistent font, by the way. I was copying and pasting all these stuff. 

Does anyone know how select all/paste stuff in the post entry box (where you type your entry in before you submit it)? For some reason, all the text goes to the bottom of the page instead of the box. Strange and annoying.