Friday, May 29, 2009

Newsflash:

Oh My F*cking God. Newflash!
I hereby express my incredulity:
My father cannot tell the difference between an orange and a lemon. Apparently because he's colourblind?
Not rocket surgery, is it? 









(Pictured: left- orange;  
below- lemon)




The study of comparing citrus fruits: a f*king science in 1/3 of our household. Wacky, no?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

This post is the bastard child of watching media watch and a lull in homework.

Looks like I'm on an english bashing streak. Don't expect it to end anytime soon- results for the oral assessment is hovering on the horizon like a gargantuan swarm of locusts. It's coming to get me. It's coming to DEVOUR MY SOUL. I AM BEING VERY DRAMATIC. IN CAPS LOCK TOO. 

Expect this post to be rambling and confusing. You see that x in the corner? Press it. It's not too late to turn back. 

Sometimes I try to say something very profound, and the only thing that pops out is a cliche. The one that comes to mind right now is 'ignorance is bliss'. So true, so damn true. Yet over-said, cliche. But that's ok- because the only reason it is cliche because many people say it. People see the truth in that statement, short and to the point, a clean summary of the loss of innocence. 

The person who came up with a 'cliche saying' is very wise. Sometimes I feel it is a chore, a constant struggle to communicate meaning. Humans are inherently flawed- the voice doesn't make sense, or the ears can't care enough to listen (i meant that metaphorically). So something like 'ignorance is bliss' that is short, to the point, carries meaning successfully- it sticks. It 'gets the point across', to use another cliche. These sayings are tools- specialist, store-bought tools we employ to communicate our ideas. Not custom-made or home-made, but professional, precise copies of blueprints that talented predecessors had discovered. And personally, I admire them for it. It also makes me feel so very young- because I have so much to learn, and so ignorant compared to others. (and don't quote 'ignorance is bliss' back at me. In this case, 'knowledge is power', and here I am using another cliche.). Yes young. You know the feeling you get when you look at this? 
Kind of like that. Human history isn't even one millimeter on that scale. 



Do tools ever lose their impact? It is also human nature to dismiss, discard tools when they lose their shine. When you overuse tools, they become blunt. (And boy, do humans ever love to overuse stuff. But that would involve me going into another tangent. And this cliche thing is already a tangent). And that's how a benign, nice saying turns into cliche. Take the history of music, something I am unfortunately familiar with. Music in history reflects the public favour at the time- what people like, ie. what is 'in fashion'. Each 'period'- baroque, classical, romantic, etc. came about because of the people's boredom with the previous period. I'm sure this is the case for other forms of art. I suppose what I've just spouted in the last 2 paragraphs could be summarised by this- "cliches r actually pretty wise, just sorta overused. so i'm allowed to use it coz i cbb typing up something that means 'ignorance is bliss'. so don't go- argh, she's so cliche. *sticks tongue out*"

Anyway, what I actually meant to say was that ignorance is bliss, so damn the english syllabus. The current unit- conflicting perspectives is pissing me off, not because it's boring and etc, but because the nature of conflicting perspectives makes it so frustrating. 

I felt to urge to blog after watching 'media watch' because of this story. You don't have to watch it, because the frustration hardly came from the show, but more the comments. It's not a particularly fascinating story, certainly not one that interests me (it's about some footy sex scandal involving Matthew Johns, that dude from the Footy Show. I confused him with Andrew Johns at first lol). What IS interesting is the way people react to it. First 'Media Watch' presents the perspectives, in a supposedly neutral way, because Media Watch is the impartial watchdog, blah blah blah. And while it does give voice to both sides- it does condemn Johns and support Four Corners- the show that exposed this event. And then the comments- many of which are as long as this post, minus the cliche tangent, and infinitely more scholarly- many commentators are obviously expert analysts, some have ties to one perspective or the other. (They read the Australian instead of Daily Telegraph, that's for sure). 

Some accused Media Watch of being biased, others siding with it. And debate. Oh, how much debate there were. The commentators typed up long, intelligent remarks- all expressing their own opinion while refuting the one above theirs. Some expressed their disgust of the offender, some were skeptical over the girl's apparent distress, some were sympathetic to both parties- the suffering they went through, I quote- "it doesn't matter who is guilty or who is innocent, because both victim and perpetrator - whichever is which - are being punished. Johns has had his name dragged through the mud and his career trashed. The girl has had much the same treatment. One of them deserves it, one of them doesn't. Which one is which, only a very small handful of people really know."  

That I most certainly agree with. And surely you are wondering now- what's the point of all this, strangledcod dear? The point is- it's because of the debate- the entire, oh-so-democratic 'let's hear both sides of the argument, and then prove or disprove this and that" attitude that CAUSED the girl to become suicidal. 

First the media/four corners and the 'footy show/nine/Johns battled it out over who was in the right. Then Media Watch swoops down onto the carcass in so-called justice- like a vulture (a judgmental vulture, lol), and then the commentators, like worms or something, scavenges the last vestiges, again, in so-called justice, trying to convince each other their opinion is in the right. But what of the carcass? Their privacy, self-respect, self-esteem had been ripped from their bones. As the battle dragged on and on, they were the ones that was hurting more and more. And the public? Anything for good juicy gossip. Even though I haven't watched four corners, nor the news articles, I am just as guilty. 

DO YOU KNOW WHY? I f*cking realized this as I was writing that last paragraph, and figured I invested too much time in this to go delete this post. Because I have just expressed my opinion- just like all the commentators on that page, just like Media Watch. I am a hypocrite, of course, and by writing this, I am just prolonging the metaphorical battle. Lol, I'd be a decomposing microbe or something, but since my opinion aren't worth 50c in the grand scheme of things, this doesn't really matter. Teeheehee. 

So thus is the corrupting power of 'conflicting perspectives.' Because at the end of it all, feelings are hurt, time is wasted, points are raised and considered, and debated and processed and baked and rinse, repeat. And we have no definitive answer to who was in the right. 

'ignorance is bliss' indeed. If this issue was never raised, if no one cared or displayed no interest in it, nothing changes. Life will keep on rolling on, as per usual. But neither parties would be so damn wounded. (Lol, I just realized this also applies to war, opening a new can of worms- yep, another cliche. This is kinda fun.)

So basically? F*ck English. This all boils down to it. Conflicting perspectives is stupid and frustrating, and more trouble that it's worth. And now I'm sulking like a typical teenagers. Because you know what? I do understand what they're trying to teach us- belonging, conflicting perspectives, analyzing text, humanity. They are trying to make us more aware of the world around us, more critical, not just accepting of other opinions, but forming our own. They are teaching us to be less ignorant. 

But f*ck that. Ignorance is bliss. I probably would have never feel left out my group if I wasn't made to learn about belonging. I would probably bitch about everyone, making me more interesting to talk to- if not for my attempts to be less judgmental- considering others perspectives. I wouldn't be so damn bitter and cynical (dare i say emo?). I would probably have practised violin for my lesson tomorrow instead of writing this long and pointless piece of shit. And I realize that this is probably what everyone goes through- this adolescent feeling of wanting to stay a child forever. But I wish people would stop sounding so superficial sometimes. It makes me lose respect for them. It also makes me feel quite lonely Because I know in my head that they're intelligent and resourceful and grow up to be happy, successful people. But it still makes me lose respect for them and I really, really don't want to turn into a bitter old lady hating the world and humanity and everyone and I'm feeling I'm going down that path and I dunno what to do. 

Edit: And you know what the sad thing is? I wish my posts could be like gchus, or canadians, or heshiyun's, etc, coz they're generally not depressing, nor this boring or long. I mean, I'm a teenager right? Shouldn't I be talking about guys and shopping and complaining about my family or talking about how nice and supportive my friends are? I know what you're gonna say- you're unique, you're yourself, and you shouldn't try to be like someone else, blah blah blah, but it's so damn...annoying..for lack of a better word, to always be the odd one out. 
So yeah, wish you pressed that little x now?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Delicious!



How to Make A Bullshit Biscuit,  better know as an 'English Essay'


Ingredients:

- Teacher Regurgitation
- meaningless sentences
- essay verbs
- synonyms
- Quotes
- Big Words


Instructions:

1. Pour 5 bags of Teacher Regurgitation into a large pot (a word document will also work). 

2. Mix well with essay verbs, and stir until mixture forms dough

3. Add a sprinkle of synonyms for flavor. Make sure you use a Thesaurus to do so, otherwise, the dough may Make No Sense.

4. Separate dough into roughly 6-8 chunks. Make sure you have an introduction chunk and a conclusion chunk. No one knows why. Just do it.

5. Put into Quotes Oven (or a Technique-Example-Effect™ Oven if you can afford it) and set the temperature to 'maximum'. Bake until biscuits have expanded to a formidable size.

6. Meanwhile, mix meaningless sentences with Big Words together in a bowl. This will go on top of biscuits- hence 'bullshit biscuits'. Add a dash of piss for smooth consistency.

7. Once the biscuits are ready, take them out of the oven.

8. Copy-and-paste the bullshit icing onto the biscuits. Make sure to spread it liberally.

Congratulations! You now know how to make Bullshit Biscuits™!!! Serve them to your teachers, family and friends! (we take no responsibility for any nausea, migraines or Bad Marks which may follow)

Delicious!!!!


Friday, May 1, 2009

It's been 3 months

3 months is a third of a pregnancy

Nothing to say as usual, just feel like being an attention whore (read this everybody, zomg, lemee tell u all bout my life, liek, iz soooooo interesting).
No offence, of course. Blame this on sleepy...iz 11:14pm...am frustraTed because i was trying to learn a shitty new piece and it sounds shit. Big surprise. 

YOU PEOPLE WANT ME TO BLOG? FINE I BLOG. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET. Gosh am I ever overrated. How is this funny? 

In case you're wondering, I've going nothing to say and I'm saying it and that's poetry as I need it. ~ Some avantgarde composer.

And since I realize that only words is boring, how CAN YOU PEOPLE BE BOTHERED TO UPLOAD ALL THOSE PHOTOS? SERIOUSLY, YOU WAIT FOR 5MIN FOR EACH PHOTO AND THE FORMATTING IS RETARDED.*burp excuse me. I will never ever get you people.

Big fat purple polka-dotted revelation time:   I don't understand any of you people. How you can be so f**king normal. And it makes me sad coz ur gonna be nice functional people in society after you leave school and marry a guy or two and have 2.5 children and live in a nice house with a nice front lawn and a messy back lawn and a dog and 2 budgies and go shopping at an asian mall every weekend and buy soy sauce and dried ear fungus and cook for your 2.5 kids who you are going to send to a respectable school and they're gonna get into a nice high school and get a nice uai of 95.25 and blah blah blah. Yes, this is the way I think, and STFU who think I'm a raving lunatic because you asked for this and yes, now I'm making excuses. And yes I talk to myself at home because there's no once else to talk to and no one else that cares, and if a freaking lunatic right now, I'd say hey at least its sorta fun. 

Not.

And there's my rant. Blame hormones, period, sleepiness, whatever. Just don't blame me. 

Am I going to do one of those things where I insult people I know but I don't tell them that- yes, YOU, im insulting YOU..but I'm too chickenshit to do it face to face? Hell yeah.
Try and guess who you are
1. I want you to go to Cooks River and climb in and build a hut amount the mangrove trees and shoot the gigantic ibis that occasionally flies overhead and makes awful noises and poops on you. Yeah. SHoot they and roast them and make stew, and EAT IT, you crazy woman. 
2. If there's music in hell, you would be the DJ
3. I don't understand you
4. Nor you
5. Or you
6. Or you
7. Fuck, why are you so hypocritical?
8. I was wondering why they make glue blue, and thought you would know.
9. Who are you?
10. If life is a function, you are inverse cosx. And I envy you for it.

Well there you have it, 5 min of weird humor. I hope my service is adequate, and I have served  my purpose. Now laugh at the weird retarded wretch huddled in the corner here. 

AND BITCH, PEOPLE, BITCH. IT AFFIRMS MY EXISTENCE. 

edit: my right ear just popped. In case you wanted to know. And you do want to know, right? Because you are reading my blog? Well here. You know that my ear just popped. Do you feel satisfied, huh? Huh? HUH?!

edit 2: I just decanted my brain and came to this horrifying conclusion. I KNOW WHAT I AM. AND DO PAY ATTENTION. I AM THAT NOVELTY ITEM YOU PICK UP AT THE 2 DOLLAR SHOP THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING USEFUL BUT ITS SO WEIRD THAT YOU KEEP IT AROUND TO LAUGH AT OCCASIONALLY. yes.

Friday, January 16, 2009

life, et all.

Erm. Hi. It's been 2 months, and finally a new post, huh? I'd LIKE to say something zany such as 'I got over writers block', or 'I'm back from HIATUS, peoples," but the truth is- I just couldn't be f****ed to make an another blog entry. And it's not even because I'm busy, I mean I'm on holidays for god's sake. I just couldn't be f***ed.
Well anyway, this entry is the result of occasional prodding from several people (read: 2). So if you want to read more entry, you'd probably have to prod me (in person or through pestering comments of DOOM™) to get me off my fat lazy ass in order to see another entry (which I doubt)

So anyway, as you may or may not know, I spent new years in Coff's Harbour with my family and some family friends. Since I really can't think of a more interesting topic, I'll just sum up a few of the highlights of my trip:
hehe, no pictures. Partially because my internet's slow and partially because I don't have my camera with me.
15 hours of riding a car without a cd player/radio calls for desperate measures. Since our 'retro' 1996 toyota camry is oufitted with a cassette player instead of a cd player (trust me, no one sells cassette music nowadays), my parents 'solved' the problem by buying a car fm transmitter. In case you've never heard of it before, you plug it into a mp3, for example, and it sends out fm radio signals to the car radio on a particular frequency (oOoo physics). So if you match its frequency, you can play the mp3, which broadcasts the song into the car radio, acting like speakers for your mp3. 
So what's the point of the inane and lengthy explanation, you ask? Well, I don't know how close you are with your parents, but I'm guessing most of you aren't so keen on sharing your favourite playlists with your parents. It's kinda like...talking about sex with them. Well, maybe not THAT awkward, but it is kind of awkward, in a way. 
Well, some things I learnt from the car trip include:
My parents like the soundtrack from Pirates of the Caribbean (good taste, I may say so)
My dad likes Celine Dion. Yes. Shock horror. 
And Christina Aguilera's stuff. 
And random classical music. But that's no surprise.
What else not surprising is that my mum fell asleep at the start of the car trip and didn't wake up until the end. Lucky (female dog).
Oh and I forgot the mention. I got a ipod nano for christmas(yay!). Which means I actually have to label my music AND find album art now. Oh teh n0es!

2, BaNaNaS!
In case you didn't know, Coff's harbour is the home of the famous "Big Banana". Scattered around Australia are various other big things such as the big pineapple, big merino, big prawn, big cup(mmm size C or size D?) and big rolling pin. Go figure. Apparently some (sad) people actually travel all around australia taking pictures in front of every single one. o.O
Anyway, it's just a gigantic gig for tourists to visit and buy bananas. Admission fee is about $20 to watch a movie about the history of bananas on some revolutionary 3d imaging gadget (which might be cool, if only it wasn't about the HISTORY OF BANANAS), also watch a frigging hologram video about guess what? bananas, a tour of a banana plantation in the backyard of the establishment, and at the end we got free bananas! And at the end of it all we got to visit a banana museum with all these interactive banana exhibits. Zomg yay!
And what's even more sad, my folks got obsessed with those bananas and ended up buying like 5 kilos. Joy. 


3. Is it just a coincidence, or is there something wrong with me?
During our little trip, I've noticed something weird. And it seriously pissed me off. First night- we ate at Hungry Jacks. The order came 30min later. Without the fries. 
And the next day? Bought a milkshake. They totally forgot the order.
Next day- ordered fish and chips. Came late. Again. 
So my question is...is it just a coincidence, or is there something wrong with me?

end! (for now)

Monday, November 10, 2008

You knew this was coming...


Eeeeeeeek!

Imagine this. In your house.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Yay! first day of yr 12!

I feel rather motivated right now...first day of yr 12 and all. But I fear it would hardly be a few weeks before I revert back to my procrastinating ways

In other news for today:

has anyone noticed that train stations look like a lint brush doing its work?
Like the people...they are the lint. And the brush is the train. And the platforms are like the lint-filled surface- like a cloth
The lint begins on the cloth, and after you swipe it with the lint brush, the lint gets transferred onto the lint brush. Usually multiple swipes will have to be applied to get the cloth lint-free. And even they its just a bit linty.
And similarly, the people starts out on the platform, and the trains comes. And the people move from the platform onto the train...I guess the effect is more startling when you are staring at opposite, crowded platform. Then the train comes...and its like the people has been swiped away.
Well, except the people respawn, unlike the lint.
Unless the lint is mutant.

And speaking of mutant, if I ever become a rich person, I want to fund a competition, and name it after me.
Basically, its for people who grow strawberries. Well, any vegetable/fruit will do.
People can submit their most mutant, retarded looking strawberries, for instance. And the winner will be the owner of the most grotesque, weird, retarded fruit/veggie. 
And they will get some munnies! And all the mutant stuff submitted into the competition...coz you make jam with it...yup.


A mutant tomato: