rural week reflections

how i spent my rural week (aka shitty med camp)- impressions and notable events

1. respect crush on the senior doctor there- he kind of reminds me of harold finch from person of interest, minus haxxor skillz plus medic skillz

2. got pulled back into the endless abyss of rpg grindom in the form of persona 3 psp and having trouble regretting it. I suppose i just need to complete it asap so i can concentrate on important things like socialising!

3. The whole slapped in the face with peacock tail thing and the blanket fort thing and the cheesy demon communing thing. yes

4. the national park was great, snowy hydro is a marvelous feat of engineering, the power of the community etc. also rotary and lions, png and malaria, etc

So difficult to post even semi-regularly!
Who knew over-exerting yourself exercising can ruin the rest of your week! I have been so exhausted from my sore muscles that I have managed to lose my only good pair or earphones and neglect my studies (and this blog!)

All I have accomplished in this time of extreme importance and business is watching a crapload of kids cartoons....

It's ok.

Reflection from the Syd-Can Trip

The making of a person
Definition of a late bloomer
Journey of discovery about myself the last couple of years. Was a charmeleon, starting to figure out my own colour
Who am I? I will be an adult once that's defined.
I am a nerd and geek
I am Attracted to the weird and strange, the road less travelled
Open minded
Emotionally distant
I have a strong and individual sense of justice and values
-100% an introvert. Always will be
Maybe not cis?
People watching is fascinating. Will always be too much an outsider and eccentric to completely fill at ease
I want to be brilliant but not yet motivated enough to truly excel
One can learn and grow from any situation
Diverse interest- jack of all trades master of none
Sense of humour, warped dark and dry.
Quiet
Listens well but have bad hearing
Socially awkward, too self conscious and self deprecating
Seeker of happiness and a better self. I know what unhappiness felt like. How much happier can I possibly be?
Facultative
Am I going to be betrayed? Don't lie to yourself . Maybe people are using me, well I'm using them too!
I will never ever conform. Never. I can't be happy and conform at the same time. Trust me I've tried
At heart- a simple person. Food. Music. Friends.
I've always always been a person on the outside looking in.
Need to stop sabotaging myself
I hate superficial networking. But have to??? Why can't I just be a decent person who is competent and succeed on their own merits? Is that possible in this world?
Too closed off and lack expression? Fear?
I do NOT WANT TO BE PATRONISING but don't want to be. Boring either
Are my morals and values acceptable? We'll see. Am I naive for thinking everyone is basically decent people who will teach you something if you give them a chance? Some people may rub each other the wrong way, sure. But we'll all in this together. Why not make sure everyone is feeling ok? Is that such a bad thing?? Do people have to bring others down to validate their own value? I want to understand people!!!
What makes them tick, what they find important, why they lie to you and when. Why do they ignore you? What makes someone charismatic and likeable? How to get them to open up to you? Must you be identify with their struggles? What defines popularity? Boundaries of friendship? Am I a bad person to hang out with if I am too different can't identify or emphasise with their struggles?
Conviction. People like me but I'm not popular, not interesting. I am easygoing and friendly, but not magnetic. People don't want to be proven wrong, they don't want to feel deficient. They want to feel validated, to have their ego stroked, by someone whom they respect
I don't like being in the centr of attention but want to e respected. I don't like weed judgement impaired
Too timid too back


Sent from my iPhone

tech rant

Argh! So pissed off at the current selection of ultrabooks for sale. Really want the ASUS zenbook but apparently the hinge is broke. Really want the HP spectre but is too flashy and expensive. Same  goes for the Dell XPS. And apparently ACER doesn't last that long and toshiba radius have crappy wifi connectivity.
Might have to wait for the release of new Skylake laptops to pick out something suitable. This waiting is killing me.
Windows PC, get your shit together. Mac airs are slaughtering em right now.

Decision making

How do people make decisions on the spot? Past experience? Thinking on their feet? Too many variables, not enough guidance. Perhaps the solution to this problem is to first consider the objectives.
Define a goal to aim for in every encounter and use it as a handrail for every step you take. That way you are not treading blindly into the dark.
Have priorities. Don't be too flexible. There is a time and place for everything. Keep records, write things down.
End incoherent advice to self.

3 years

*waves*
It's now August 2015. 3 years since I last looked at this blog. It's funny how completely you can abandon something that you once sunk so much effort into.
Many things have happened since 2012: planes falling out of the sky, wars, more mass shootings. New planets explored, new cures found. The world keeps turning, good things and bad things perpetually happening.
But.
This blog is about (self-absorbed) me, first and foremost, and here's how I've changed:
- I'm now 23
- I'm a 2nd year medical student
- I've moved out from my parents' home to a different city 300km away
- I'm...happy? I gained a bit of self-worth, and I actually look forward to the start of next week.
- I get less time to game and squee over anime/fic, but it's still a comfort source and guilty pleasure.

Here's how I've stayed the same (and hoping to change)
- Still relatively introverted, quiet, inarticulate with my thoughts and ineffective with my communication.
- Still have low self-confidence, and almost no self respect
- Still scared to open up to people
- Still strange, always doing things in an unconventional way, disorganised
- many more

Why pick tonight to restart this blog?
Well, I lead a special interest group at the medical school now. Earlier in the evening, we put on a speaker's night to which a lot of people RSVPed to but ended up not turning up. Although this sort of phenomena (referred to as the 3/10th rule??) wasn't unexpected of a facebook event, it compounded with my awkwardness and nervousness in introducing speakers and running the night, and made me realise that there's so much of myself that I still need to change.
People here have described me as eccentric, a bit neurotic, one-of-a-kind. My superpower would be being inclusive and making others feel at ease. On the other hand, I may be too much of a people pleaser, or a push-over, or unmotivated to excel. People around me are publishing articles right and left, but what little drive I have for padding out my resume dies down before anything comes to fruition. But above all else, I need to communicate better: more clearly and confidently. Only then will people listen.

To that end, I will put my thoughts onto (e-)paper. These days, it's mostly all medicine related.
Even if it's really short and pointless, I'm going to aim for one post per day and make it searchable to myself via tagging. That's quite a bit of spam, so Kate, Hannah- please unfollow me if it gets annoying.

*crawls out of hole again*

whooooo, nearly a whole year since my last post. *Looks around* Blogger's got new features (w00t!). Also, seems like no one's blogging regularly these days. Although I've been particularly negligent. You know your blog is dead when you've actually forgotten how to access it. Thank god for other people's blogrolls. Gina's (http://frame-me-up.blogspot.com.au/) humongus list is the index I use to access everyone's blogs (including my own, for shame).

So what's been happening this past year?









Truth be told, absolutely nothing of important. I grew older, wiser (?), just a little bit crazier. Got a job. Still digging the One Piece adventure :D.
Fell even deeper into the neverending black pit that is my SHIPPING ADDICTION. Obsessed, fangirl-squealed, scrounged for fanfiction, lost sleep over a few more OTPs (for those who are interested- H.G/Myka from Warehouse 13, Harvey/Mike from Suits, Marceline/Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time, Derek/Stiles from Teen Wolf, Aral/Cordelia from Vorkosigan Saga, all 4 heavenly kings/komatsu from Toriko TROLOLOL.... possibly more but I can't think of them right now)
Played some (actually a lot) of games- lost myself in Skyrim, finally finished Portal 1 (must get portal 2), obsessed over the Bastion soundtrack *_*, played a shit-ton of ds games. Somehow between all this madness and procrastinating- managed to chug through another year of uni. 

So endth my life update. Hmm, I wonder if anyone still check for updates.