3 years

*waves*
It's now August 2015. 3 years since I last looked at this blog. It's funny how completely you can abandon something that you once sunk so much effort into.
Many things have happened since 2012: planes falling out of the sky, wars, more mass shootings. New planets explored, new cures found. The world keeps turning, good things and bad things perpetually happening.
But.
This blog is about (self-absorbed) me, first and foremost, and here's how I've changed:
- I'm now 23
- I'm a 2nd year medical student
- I've moved out from my parents' home to a different city 300km away
- I'm...happy? I gained a bit of self-worth, and I actually look forward to the start of next week.
- I get less time to game and squee over anime/fic, but it's still a comfort source and guilty pleasure.

Here's how I've stayed the same (and hoping to change)
- Still relatively introverted, quiet, inarticulate with my thoughts and ineffective with my communication.
- Still have low self-confidence, and almost no self respect
- Still scared to open up to people
- Still strange, always doing things in an unconventional way, disorganised
- many more

Why pick tonight to restart this blog?
Well, I lead a special interest group at the medical school now. Earlier in the evening, we put on a speaker's night to which a lot of people RSVPed to but ended up not turning up. Although this sort of phenomena (referred to as the 3/10th rule??) wasn't unexpected of a facebook event, it compounded with my awkwardness and nervousness in introducing speakers and running the night, and made me realise that there's so much of myself that I still need to change.
People here have described me as eccentric, a bit neurotic, one-of-a-kind. My superpower would be being inclusive and making others feel at ease. On the other hand, I may be too much of a people pleaser, or a push-over, or unmotivated to excel. People around me are publishing articles right and left, but what little drive I have for padding out my resume dies down before anything comes to fruition. But above all else, I need to communicate better: more clearly and confidently. Only then will people listen.

To that end, I will put my thoughts onto (e-)paper. These days, it's mostly all medicine related.
Even if it's really short and pointless, I'm going to aim for one post per day and make it searchable to myself via tagging. That's quite a bit of spam, so Kate, Hannah- please unfollow me if it gets annoying.

Welcome! I say this to the empty air.

Deja vu.

Sometimes I wonder why people say I'm cynical. I can be disgustingly idealistic sometimes, like now. By that I mean- creating ANOTHER blog. After abandoning my old one. 3 years ago. 

Blame it on umm..Pak Angkasar. *MASSIVE COUGH INDUCED BY ACUTE BRONCHITIS ON TOP OF CHRONIC BRONCHITIS*

I certainly do. 

I can't believe I'm starting a blog at my age. Heh, do I sound like an old hag? I'm in Year 11, product of MLC High School, Australia. Just finished my yearlys. I'll probably look back on the blog in a month time and go "starting a blog? In Year 11?! (yr 12 next year!omfg *flails and dies*) What WAS I thinking?! *DELETE*"

Ah well, seems like this is going to be a half-baked attempt from the start. Most probably, I won't have the time/energy, caused by my hectic, nerdy, senior-high-school existence, to update this blog on any semblance of regularly. (1 cookie to you if you understood the incoherent babble that was my last sentence!)

If worse comes to worst, I'll just put some trite (but amusing, in my humble opinion) jokes I found over the internets as updates. So don't abandon me yet. Just don't expect Grecian philosophy and poetry from my blog. I dunno about emo-ness and teenage angst. Haven't decided yet. 

So yeah! Umm...spread the word! Socially retarded Cindy is starting a blog! She'd hate to be all lonesome in her corner of the nuthouse, so come in and visit if you so incline!