rural week reflections

how i spent my rural week (aka shitty med camp)- impressions and notable events

1. respect crush on the senior doctor there- he kind of reminds me of harold finch from person of interest, minus haxxor skillz plus medic skillz

2. got pulled back into the endless abyss of rpg grindom in the form of persona 3 psp and having trouble regretting it. I suppose i just need to complete it asap so i can concentrate on important things like socialising!

3. The whole slapped in the face with peacock tail thing and the blanket fort thing and the cheesy demon communing thing. yes

4. the national park was great, snowy hydro is a marvelous feat of engineering, the power of the community etc. also rotary and lions, png and malaria, etc

So difficult to post even semi-regularly!
Who knew over-exerting yourself exercising can ruin the rest of your week! I have been so exhausted from my sore muscles that I have managed to lose my only good pair or earphones and neglect my studies (and this blog!)

All I have accomplished in this time of extreme importance and business is watching a crapload of kids cartoons....

It's ok.

Reflection from the Syd-Can Trip

The making of a person
Definition of a late bloomer
Journey of discovery about myself the last couple of years. Was a charmeleon, starting to figure out my own colour
Who am I? I will be an adult once that's defined.
I am a nerd and geek
I am Attracted to the weird and strange, the road less travelled
Open minded
Emotionally distant
I have a strong and individual sense of justice and values
-100% an introvert. Always will be
Maybe not cis?
People watching is fascinating. Will always be too much an outsider and eccentric to completely fill at ease
I want to be brilliant but not yet motivated enough to truly excel
One can learn and grow from any situation
Diverse interest- jack of all trades master of none
Sense of humour, warped dark and dry.
Quiet
Listens well but have bad hearing
Socially awkward, too self conscious and self deprecating
Seeker of happiness and a better self. I know what unhappiness felt like. How much happier can I possibly be?
Facultative
Am I going to be betrayed? Don't lie to yourself . Maybe people are using me, well I'm using them too!
I will never ever conform. Never. I can't be happy and conform at the same time. Trust me I've tried
At heart- a simple person. Food. Music. Friends.
I've always always been a person on the outside looking in.
Need to stop sabotaging myself
I hate superficial networking. But have to??? Why can't I just be a decent person who is competent and succeed on their own merits? Is that possible in this world?
Too closed off and lack expression? Fear?
I do NOT WANT TO BE PATRONISING but don't want to be. Boring either
Are my morals and values acceptable? We'll see. Am I naive for thinking everyone is basically decent people who will teach you something if you give them a chance? Some people may rub each other the wrong way, sure. But we'll all in this together. Why not make sure everyone is feeling ok? Is that such a bad thing?? Do people have to bring others down to validate their own value? I want to understand people!!!
What makes them tick, what they find important, why they lie to you and when. Why do they ignore you? What makes someone charismatic and likeable? How to get them to open up to you? Must you be identify with their struggles? What defines popularity? Boundaries of friendship? Am I a bad person to hang out with if I am too different can't identify or emphasise with their struggles?
Conviction. People like me but I'm not popular, not interesting. I am easygoing and friendly, but not magnetic. People don't want to be proven wrong, they don't want to feel deficient. They want to feel validated, to have their ego stroked, by someone whom they respect
I don't like being in the centr of attention but want to e respected. I don't like weed judgement impaired
Too timid too back


Sent from my iPhone

tech rant

Argh! So pissed off at the current selection of ultrabooks for sale. Really want the ASUS zenbook but apparently the hinge is broke. Really want the HP spectre but is too flashy and expensive. Same  goes for the Dell XPS. And apparently ACER doesn't last that long and toshiba radius have crappy wifi connectivity.
Might have to wait for the release of new Skylake laptops to pick out something suitable. This waiting is killing me.
Windows PC, get your shit together. Mac airs are slaughtering em right now.

Decision making

How do people make decisions on the spot? Past experience? Thinking on their feet? Too many variables, not enough guidance. Perhaps the solution to this problem is to first consider the objectives.
Define a goal to aim for in every encounter and use it as a handrail for every step you take. That way you are not treading blindly into the dark.
Have priorities. Don't be too flexible. There is a time and place for everything. Keep records, write things down.
End incoherent advice to self.

3 years

*waves*
It's now August 2015. 3 years since I last looked at this blog. It's funny how completely you can abandon something that you once sunk so much effort into.
Many things have happened since 2012: planes falling out of the sky, wars, more mass shootings. New planets explored, new cures found. The world keeps turning, good things and bad things perpetually happening.
But.
This blog is about (self-absorbed) me, first and foremost, and here's how I've changed:
- I'm now 23
- I'm a 2nd year medical student
- I've moved out from my parents' home to a different city 300km away
- I'm...happy? I gained a bit of self-worth, and I actually look forward to the start of next week.
- I get less time to game and squee over anime/fic, but it's still a comfort source and guilty pleasure.

Here's how I've stayed the same (and hoping to change)
- Still relatively introverted, quiet, inarticulate with my thoughts and ineffective with my communication.
- Still have low self-confidence, and almost no self respect
- Still scared to open up to people
- Still strange, always doing things in an unconventional way, disorganised
- many more

Why pick tonight to restart this blog?
Well, I lead a special interest group at the medical school now. Earlier in the evening, we put on a speaker's night to which a lot of people RSVPed to but ended up not turning up. Although this sort of phenomena (referred to as the 3/10th rule??) wasn't unexpected of a facebook event, it compounded with my awkwardness and nervousness in introducing speakers and running the night, and made me realise that there's so much of myself that I still need to change.
People here have described me as eccentric, a bit neurotic, one-of-a-kind. My superpower would be being inclusive and making others feel at ease. On the other hand, I may be too much of a people pleaser, or a push-over, or unmotivated to excel. People around me are publishing articles right and left, but what little drive I have for padding out my resume dies down before anything comes to fruition. But above all else, I need to communicate better: more clearly and confidently. Only then will people listen.

To that end, I will put my thoughts onto (e-)paper. These days, it's mostly all medicine related.
Even if it's really short and pointless, I'm going to aim for one post per day and make it searchable to myself via tagging. That's quite a bit of spam, so Kate, Hannah- please unfollow me if it gets annoying.

*crawls out of hole again*

whooooo, nearly a whole year since my last post. *Looks around* Blogger's got new features (w00t!). Also, seems like no one's blogging regularly these days. Although I've been particularly negligent. You know your blog is dead when you've actually forgotten how to access it. Thank god for other people's blogrolls. Gina's (http://frame-me-up.blogspot.com.au/) humongus list is the index I use to access everyone's blogs (including my own, for shame).

So what's been happening this past year?









Truth be told, absolutely nothing of important. I grew older, wiser (?), just a little bit crazier. Got a job. Still digging the One Piece adventure :D.
Fell even deeper into the neverending black pit that is my SHIPPING ADDICTION. Obsessed, fangirl-squealed, scrounged for fanfiction, lost sleep over a few more OTPs (for those who are interested- H.G/Myka from Warehouse 13, Harvey/Mike from Suits, Marceline/Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time, Derek/Stiles from Teen Wolf, Aral/Cordelia from Vorkosigan Saga, all 4 heavenly kings/komatsu from Toriko TROLOLOL.... possibly more but I can't think of them right now)
Played some (actually a lot) of games- lost myself in Skyrim, finally finished Portal 1 (must get portal 2), obsessed over the Bastion soundtrack *_*, played a shit-ton of ds games. Somehow between all this madness and procrastinating- managed to chug through another year of uni. 

So endth my life update. Hmm, I wonder if anyone still check for updates.

Sometimes I just gotta vent

Ok, this is not something I usually blog about.

But.

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*deep breath*

*Ok. Start from the beginning so these people know what I'm on about*

Ok, So. I don't if anyone knows this, but I like the Sherlock Holmes series. Books, mainly.
The series being one of the most popular literature ever created, it's seen a fair share of adaptations.
I, being 19, have only seen the recent ones. Well. One of the recent ones. (And I've watched the trailer for the Hollywood Movie? But I hate how...everything's so...pretty...and glossy. And explosions. Boom. No. It's way too flashy) But- the modern world AU version by Moffat? The 3 episodes- that's what I'm talking about.

Don't get me wrong. I really liked that. Although not as much as the books, duh.
And I'm so so so so excited for season 2 (what will Modern!Irene Adler be like? Will the moors in which Hound of the Baskervilles have the creepy haunting atmosphere that the books put in my imagination? HOLY SHIT will Reichenbach Falls end the same way as in the books?!?!omgomgomg)

But the thing is, the thing that I gotta vent (and squee about)- I doubt ANYTHING will beat the books. It just. So much. ATMOSPHERE. the evenings in front of the fireplace so cozy- with Holmes picking away at his violin and Watson smoking a pipe and reading medical journals. Holmes deducing Watson's entire train of thought from observing his fidgeting. Broughams, carriages. Rolling over the gaslight cobblestone streets. Sherlock and his disguises! And inexplicable digressions. And how damn brilliant he is. There's well, contentment there- in that Watson is recalling cases from years past. Certain peacefulness despite murders and whatnot.

And they are so gay. So much. gay. Unsaid. <3
So what if they're older and uglier than modern adaptions. But they're so...austere. Which is awesome.

Here are the facts: Watson is the narrator, so let's pretend you're Watson

- You come back from the war. Find a roomie. He's interesting but strange (and brilliant, but you don't know that yet). But you click. You settle down into happy bachelorhood.

- You follow Sherlock on his various cases. He likes them bizarre as they come. In fact he's only really happy wrapped up in some mystery. But his brilliance still surprises you. Every single damn time.

- On one of the cases, you meet a girl. You get married, move out of your pad. Buy a small medical practice.

- You still keep in contact with your old roomie. Sometimes still join him on a case for old time's sake. But you've got a wife, and a business now- you slowly drift apart.

- Meanwhile, Sherlock becomes more famous, solving all these high profile cases. He turns up at your house one evening. Very urgent ?!?!?

- In great danger, you flee to Europe. Germany, Switzerland. Awww.

- Danger catches up. Sherlock dies (left a goodbye note)

WATSON IS SAD (and stops writing. CAN"T stand THE MEMORIES.)

3 years pass. Your wife dies.

Sherlock Holmes comes back.

- You move back in together. You are much older than you have been.

"At the time of which I speak, Holmes had been back for some months, and I at his request had sold my practice and returned to share the old quarters in Baker Street. A young doctor, named Verner, had purchased my small Kensington practice, and given with astonishingly little demur the highest price that I ventured to ask—an incident which only explained itself some years later, when I found that Verner was a distant relation of Holmes, and that it was my friend who had really found the money."
D'AWWWWW

LET THE ADVENTURES BEGIN.
(see- that's something involved, happening over years and years and years. Instead of episodic...snapshots. That's why I like book canon more)

The Conan Canon is awesome. For something written so long ago, it's even more awesome.

Long live Sherlock Holmes \o/

(If you've read the series and agree, w00t. If you haven't and have no idea what I was on about. GO READ IT. And oops, spoilers. lol)

Topic: self worth?

Question question question and you get answer answer answer. This whole blogging thing is surprisingly pretty fun.

I guess for me, self-worth and confidence means pretty much the same thing. And it fluctuates from low to high to low again several times per week.

My formula goes something like this:

At a given point in time,

my self worth = (achievements) - 2x(failures),
where the actual value of achievements and failures are scaled so that recent events have greater influence.

yes, I know it's oversimplified. There are many external factors such as compliments, how you measure up to people around you, what qualifies as an achievement, etc.

But. at the core of it, these 2 terms decides my self-confidence at any given time. Isn't that pretty shallow and sad?


What determines your self confidence? Does your self worth formula have a '+c' constant in it? Like a sort of 'base self-worth' which is fixed, and its value is dependent on say, your looks? social status? how many facebook friends you have? Something that doesn't diminish no matter how bad you feel.

Regarding dentists, etc.

Heya,

I feel all warm and fuzzy you guys bothered to type such long comments out. d'awww thanks peeps. (In livejournal you can reply to individual comments. Can you do it on blogger? I just put all my replies into one comment)

Anyway...Imma gonna be FIRIN' MAH LAZARR trying to blog more regularly, because most people don't post once every year.

So I went to the dentist (location) today...I don't think anyway LIKES going to the dentist (except for the dentist (person), because apparently they earn heaps of money), but the dentist (location) is on the top of the list for 'places i loathe loathe loathe' in between shopping for clothes and public bathrooms.

So anyway, I went there, because one of my tooth hurts when I bite down and I thought it was a cavity, and, like tumors, you really shouldn't leave them to grow.

(by the way, I really hate it when the dentist ask you questions while they're doing stuff to your teeth because, seriously, are they expecting you to answer?)

But relief! It wasn't a cavity! (amazing). But apparently it hurts because my tooth is slightly cracked right next to nerves. And if I don't stop eating crunchy hard stuff it's gonna crumble like one of those ice-shelves under the influence of global warming and holy shit it's gonna be painful

But since I don't even like crunchy stuff (soggy stuff ftw), I figured it's because I eat gum all the time (not my own gums, i mean chewing gum), but while normal people spit it out after an hour, I spit it out like 8 hours later when my jaw starts to hurt or I get a headache (by then the gum is really hard).

ouch


In conclusion, the point of this post is- don't each too much hard stuff...apparently your teeth can crack. And I now sorta maybe believe Ximay about that time when she was eating a cucumber and half her tooth cracked off (and she swallowed it)

Hey

This post totally isn't due to the peeps who has been nagging at me to blog. totally isn't. at all.

On the subject of my life for the past year:
- is now in 2nd year of uni. motherfucking crapload of cbb,
- played a bunch of ds games. is sad that the ds is falling into obsolete-ness.
- OMFG ONE PIECE has taken over my life like an infectious disease OMFGWTFBBQ
- has grown 125% more cynical
- ...yeah.

On the subject of philosophical rambling:
(because you read my blog for this shit. right? right?)

My cohort (ie. people around my age), seem to be reaching an interesting place in life. I would call it a crossroad...but that seems to imply making choices, and this isn't really about that.
But we're really and truly out of high school, and although we're still studying, it's not all that insulated from the 'real world'.
Everyone's rushing to find jobs, earn money, gain independence while studying. It's almost competitive. We are all motivated to be successful as quickly as possible (or have surges of motivation to be successful). I'm hardly an exception...but it's still interesting to ask- why? what's the point?

I know I know- it sounds really obvious. I can think of many reasons, and there's undoubtedly dozens more depending on different people.
ie. success= more money, more power, more prestige.


But does having success equate to having a happy life?

I've been reading the Dresden Files series lately- it's mostly action mixed with magic and testosterone and fun...and the books are completely unrelated to this post. But it was a line somewhere in there that got me thinking.

Power, money, status. (and high marks, i guess) These give you OPTIONS- the freedom to pick and choose.
An example: a high Atar means you can pick out of a greater variety of courses. More money means you can choose to live in big houses.
It doesn't guarantee happiness.
They might contribute to happiness, yes. But that depends on what kind of person you are.

Now, in situations where the world is coming to an end and only the most powerful leaders and richest people get to escape- see 2012 (the movie), or where literally your life depends on climbing out of extreme poverty, etc- I'd say these qualities are really really important. But in this sort of environment (equality for everyone. centerlink support.), how important are having options, really? If you are happy at a $14 an hour, mediocre 9-5 job, how does having more options benefit you?

So what's the point, basically? Is having options that important, or can you be happy settling?
Does this make any sense, or am I just deluding myself?

uni. impressions. minimalist style.

Thank you, high school maths teachers.

Thank you, high school chemistry teacher(s)

I don't know what I would have done without you. Committed suicide maybe.

The less said about that the better.

P.S. Thanks mum (but you'd never read this but, seeing how technologically challenged you are). Still providing room service for me post-HSC. It brings a crocodile tear to my eye.

Still kicking (albeit barely),

Stcod

Belated but obligatory fare-thee-well announcement to '00

Dear MLC 2009. 

Well, the few people of MLC 2009 who read this blog, namely..this incestuous blog circle. 

It's been a pleasure to frolic together in the springtime of our youth. You all have ripened from tiny green kernals into juicy juicy fruits. I am sure you will sow the seeds of your experience into the fertile ground of the future. Thus concludes this incoherent, pointless metaphor that is farewell, but not really. 

Ah well..what did you expect anyway?

I thank you for putting up and humoring me this past few years. I have no doubt been a self-centered and annoying prick more often than not, but I'm working on fixing it. Wish you the best.

haha.

how interesting

Something quite interesting happened on the train today! For once in my dull, miserable life I have something to write in this blog. 

3:48pm

I get on the train at Strathfield. The train is old. Life is uneventful.

3:52pm

I hear some lady mumbling to herself in the seat on the other side of the aisle. I disregard these noises and go back to worrying about the ext1 maths results. 

3:54pm

Lady whacks me on the leg with her shoe. 

Me: WTF?!

Lady: How dare you ignore me...I asked you to f**king leave. Can you f**king get out?

Me: ...no

Lady: ... 

Me: ...

Lady: *starts mumbling about kicking asians*  I'll kick you off this fucking train. Teach those f**king asians. *mutters about various other things*

Me: *watches scenery*

3:56

Train stops at Ashfield. I get up to leave. 

Lady kicks me. More accurately, she sticks her foot out. 

Me: ... *steps over her leg and exits the train*

nb: times are approximate

A less serious story.

My belonging short story:

Once upon a time, e.g. last Monday, a girl got her boobs blown off in a tragic incident. What the incident is, we don't know. However, we can be sure that it is Very Tragic™. 

The boobless girl wandered aimlessly around society, deprived of her squishy little puppies. This is her story.

Oh my, woe is me. I totally feel a lack of belonging within my high school society! I am no longer the most curvaceous one in my social group. I am no longer pursued by boys and girls alike. In fact, all the cool girls in my school laugh at me! Even the uncool girls laugh at me, and that is, like, so not on.  If I had the guts to, I would totally, like, cut myself. 

Oh, cruel world: I no longer feel like a female! It feels like I've been castrated. Except this is worse than being a eunuch, because I've got two (2) parts of my body cut off while a eunuch had one (1).

The space which had been once filled with twin spongy rock melons of tissue and fat is as empty as the gaping void I'm imprisoned in. In other words, very. 

Such are the thoughts running through our heroine's head as she traipsed breastlessly to the shops. On the way, however, a plot device changed her life forever. 

I was interrupted from my aimless wandering by a shrill scream. 

"AHHHHH HELPPP PERVERT!!!11!11"

Like a pack rats scenting the smell of cheese, the passers-by, me included, swiveled around to the source of the scream. And my life changed forever. 

That shrill scream's owner- O, what perfect perfect lovely wonderful puppies she had. Her gigantic shining golden beachballs bedazzled me, sending down shivers of jealously down my beachball-less chest. I've never wanted anything as badly as I did that moment, where my fingers itched to remove those shining suns and reattach them onto myself. 

A young man beside me whispered to his mate- 'Bet they're fake. What a bimbo.'

O, what how could I describe the wave of joy and hope that washed across me in those seconds. In my relief, I hugged him tightly, breastless chest to breastless chest. In that moment, I felt a flickering spark of kinship, ignited by our common bond. 

But he ran away. Oh well.

The epiphany remained, however. The way out of my current bereft state emerged like the sun after a thunderstorm

So our heroine went to the doctors' next morning and got some fake boobs, and lived happily ever after.

THE END.

Just to piss you people off:

(do not own)

the highlight of my day.

when most others are studiously studying and busily busying themselves for their trials, I have been ensnared in the evil clutches of a new vice- Animal Crossing!

It's kinda like a cross between the sims and harvest moon, except all your neighbors are animals and its for little kiddies (mostly) . It's really quite sad, but very addictive. 

And yes, I realize that this is extremely infantile, but this totally made my day. 

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

And if you're going wtf right now, the frog (yes. it's a pink frog called Puddles) wanted a catchier greeting, and asked me (the dude) to give her one(the blue bit). Well, it certainly is catchy. 

*goes back to animal crossing studying*

"time...to die"

dispight the tietle, this post is nigh ther ;bout blaid runna nor sewyside. 

==============[

She remembers this dawn. It remained unchanged from 10 years ago. She still can't see the sun past the towering, jagged 'trees' of cement. Warm daylight still scattered by the hazy grey of pollution, sent from a sky of the exact same shade. No breeze dare stir the man-made soup of smoke, dust and grime, save for the displaced air from an unknown figure rushing by to an unknown destination. 

She remembers the tinny dings of bicycle bells, the hoarse calls of street vendors advertising their wares, the sound of dough and eggs sizzling merrily in grease- noises coalescing like messy stitches that form the tapestry of life. 

She finds herself following her nose, the trail of fried spring onions and eggs leading her to a unimpressive metal stall. A time-weathered brown face peeked out from behind a curtain of people, brows furrowed in concentration. He was selling breakfast, she acknowledged briefly, before fumbling in her woolen pockets for coins. Fingers finding nothing but lint and candy wrappers, she cursed loudly. 

Her voice only travelled for a second before getting swallowed by the noises around her. 

 

The smell was deliciously overpowering, thickening the smoky air. Her nostrils feel saturated with it, as her mouth became saturated with saliva. A throbbing pulsed in her skull, pounding with the rhythm of the vendor's hypnotic movement. 

She does not want to walk away. She can not walk away.

The wizened old vendor lifted his head and peered up at her, his face pockmarked with flecks of green. Her body must have unconsciously moved towards the stall, the analytical voice in her mind remarked detachedly. It was drowned out by the smell, the wonderful aroma that she cannot get enough of. Inhaling deeply, she let the wholesome aroma fill her lungs to the brim, spilling out into her entire being. She hungers. 

Nothing seems to exist around her now, the background noises muffled, as if coming from a great distance. She is a void, her entire consciousness bent towards one thing, the one thing she wants more than anything in this godforsaken world. The old man's face is golden brown dough, embedded with fresh spring onions and lightly toasted mushrooms. He seemed to sway and beckon across the counter. 

With a resounding crash, she knocks the flimsy counter to the ground. The stall collapses like a tower of cards. Her hands move up slowly, tearing off a piece of fragrant, golden flesh. Red- brown liquid oozed out like thick tomato sauce. She found it a perfect complement to golden dough as she rolled it around in her mouth, savoring the taste. It melted in her mouth like heavenly ambrosia and she reached for another piece. 

"Two dollar for one pancake, three dollar for two," a heavily accented asian voice cut through her senses like a rusty knife through butter. 

"What?" she croaked

"You cannot pay? Not expensive!" the old vendor complained

Panicking, she rummaged trough her pockets again, but coming up empty. 

"I'm sorry, is there anyway I can repay-" 

Bloodcurdling screams rose up around her, bouncing and echoing inside her already throbbing head. She looked up, horrified. 

The texture of his face had morphed from spongy omelette texture to leathering, wizened skin. What remained of his face was in shreds, blood running down from the torn flesh onto the charred torso below. A bloodshot eye hung loosely from a ruined socket, grey matter oozing sluggishly. 

Bits of burnt omelette littered the filthy sidewalk around her as sirens wailed in the distance. 

If someone can tell me what's lacking in this, I'll be forever grateful. 

wut?

A gray sphere.

Retaining its shape underneath my feet, the sphere exists in a state of limbo- held in equilibrium by pressure from inside and outside. The sphere is composed of a manufactured, plastic substance, its surface smooth and dry. Concentric circles decorate its grey uniformity, starting from the top, and progressing evenly towards the bottom. Although it may look similar to equators on a globe, these raised ridges only create differences in texture. The smooth and dry surface is interrupted by these minor ripples, which seem to serve no particular purpose other than ornamental. 

The sphere is unstable, and thus rolls around its dark confines discontentedly. Full of kinetic energy that was transferred from my movement, it seems to sit menacingly, biding its time. Occasionally it squeaks nonsense no human can understand- even if they do, they cannot comprehend. The gray tediousness of the restless object seems to suck the heat from its surroundings. I disapprove. 

Now it rolls back and forth in a feral rhythm, picking up months old grime in the process. Perhaps it fancies itself to be a caged beast, iron-wrought muscles wasting away from disuse. Perhaps it feels wrongfully imprisoned- a prisoner struggling against the inevitable. Who am I to say?

cowpoke. *bzzzzzt*

blame this on qwertatious. ie. the cowpoke? which erm. pokes the cow. 

bzzt.

I think I'd rather be born a d00d. things seem so much simpler as a d00d. d00ds game, like me. why? why are teenage girls so hormonal? is it hormones? or is it normal and im the one that's weird?

Ok, i really have no idea what to say, so I'll just write things down as things pop into my head.

List of excuses women make when they socially stumble:

- sorry, I'm on my periods

- sorry, I'm meno-pausing

- sorry, it's the hormones

- sorry, haven't had enough sleep

- sorry, so tired.

- sorry, coffee-deprived

yeah. the last 3 mean the same thing. and the first 3 means the same thing.

List of excuses men make when they want you to shut up and stop blathering

- sorry, haven't had enough sleep

- sorry, so tired.

- sorry, coffee-deprived

sorry, i have a small penis and i'm compensating for it by being an asshole

Dunno what the point of that was, it's kinda amusing to see all the sorrys' line up in a column so neatly.

laughs awkwardly

Whenever i see cchen look at a dirty pic/read smut i feel like patting her on the head. It's like..wow...she's all grown up now :D :D :D

And whenever i have no idea what's going on..like in heshi or gchu's heads these days (im referring to their latests posts), i'm like...cmon! i can't dispense so called pearls of wisdom erm advice if well...the advisor is in a state of ??? ! switch from 1st person to 3rd person within one sentence? a grammatical travesty!!1111one   plz dont take me seriously, its like when ever i say something the slightest bit awkward, i tend to start rambling about the strangest things to cover it up. 

the ratio of substance:ramble = 1:3.

Think of me of....an apprentice !normalgirlfriend. i need to gain experience in helping ppl with their problems. What will YOU do in the the name of education??? Here's a suggestion!!1 SHARE! Lemee stick my nose in your festering emotional pudding!!1 (yes that was meant to sound wrong.It's not a freudian slip if i realize it, muahaha.)

I think we're all quite short sighted about our own good qualities, but can judge other's good qualities quite accurately. to quote that self defense guy (i think) who said- " don't compare your inside with other people's outside.

of course, that is the optimistic spin on

We can perceive our own faults most clearly. Other opinions are... irrelevant! IRRELEVANT! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!! props to whoever gets that reference.

moving on...

my gum hurts. i think (2) teeth are growing at the back of the mouth. is it supposed to do that? shitshitshit i hate going to the dentist. 

I did something really moronic in my music ext assessment. i put one of the pages at the wrong place. then i didn't realize until i got up to it...and realized that shit!wrong page! and i had to stop in the middle of the damn piece to find the damn page. 

Also- I was stressing before about life after hsc. but since so many ppl are going future future future...i feel like i should be stressing more X_x

we have a really incestuous blog 'circle'- to quote qwertatious going on...where we each check and comment on each others blogs...like the 9th circle of hell. joiiiinnnnnnnnnnn ussssssssss youuu knnowwwww yoouuuuu wwwaanttttt tttoooooooooo. It's funny. I used to worry so much about offending ppl..and now i don't care anymore. That's a lie. I still care, unfortunately. Just not so much. Progress- We're making it! 

Ever did something you KNOW is bad for you..but you do it anyway?